Woop woop......

Yesterday was my youngest sons birthday, Alfie was 11, for his birthday treat he had a friend sleep over and I took them to Doncaster Dome, we went swimming and then ice skating, I can ice skate but I find that the skates kill my feet so I didnt skate for long and sat out, while I was sat down I could see the vending machine, full of delights or were they? Peanut butter chunky kitkat, I was slightly hungry, but I ran it through my head, if I have one then I will have to pay the consequence when I go on holiday hid under the towel, so I got some chewing gum out and played on my phone instead, the thoughts soon passed.

On our way home we called at Meadow Hall, even though I'm told this isnt on my way home! The boys wanted a KFC, KFC are good because they list the calories, I couldnt get anything for under around 1000 calories so that was not an option, so I went to a spud place and asked for jacket potatoe with beans, the chap serving was about to plonk some butter on, so I said no to that, but the size of the potatoe was massive and overfaced me before I started, I managed around half of it and then it went in the bin, I can leave food now when Im full instead of putting waste fat into my body.

I called in at Next because I wanted some new trousers, I pulled of a size 12 and went to try them on, they didnt fall of me but were big, a month ago I would have squeezed into them, so I went back and got a 10, anticipation filled me as I went to try them on, yep I could pull them over my thighs and fasten every button, they were a bit tight but not uncomfy, I reckon another half a stone off and they will be an "easy fit", remember Im only 4ft 10 so a size 10 is not small! So because ive been turning away food that makes me big ive started to reap the rewards instead of taking the consequences, its alot nicer to have positive things than to feel negative, so as a new week starts I shall remain positive and look forward to the next drop a dress size!

The Operation

The only time I've been in hospital was to have my 3 children, I've been a few times as an outpatient, but I've never so much had stitches or a broken bone - lucky really after the way my ex used to use me as a punch bag when he was under the influence.

So yesterday was d-day, I can honestly say that this last week has been a lot easier than the first, I have not felt hungry and had no cravings for any bad foods, this morning while I was out walking the dog I walked past the sandwich shop and could smell the bacon and it didn't make me feel starving I just thought "urgh that's not for me", whereas normally that would make me feel starving.

I got tonstella's place and the sofa had been made into a bed nice and comfy, after our initial talk about my weight loss so far (8lbs) and how I had felt about food this week we got down to business, it doesn't take long to get me into a deep state of relaxation, I might have said this before but I'm easy money, sometimes we have pupils who pick up this driving malarkey so easy and others that take longer, although I enjoy all pupils the ones that pick it up easy I would call them easy money and that's how I am, when I was training for this job I was "easy money" lol.

Once Stella knew I was in a deep relaxation state my mind was taken to the surgeons office where he went through the procedure of the operation and assured me that every thing would be ok, I was then taken to another room when I had to put on a gown, I was laid on a trolley and a needle was put in my hand for the anaesthetic and I was given something to drink that made me woozy.

Please remember I was woozy so I can't remember everything in detail like I did last week, the next thing was the soft music suddenly stopped and I could hear the clattering of tools, voices and could smell that hospital smell:( the operation was performed and I was assured that everything had gone fine. Now the tennis ball that I had been holding throughout this operation i was made to squeeze because this is now the size of my stomach, if I think I maybe hungry then I need to squeeze my tennis ball! I was told that I would no longer eat any crap food, I would eat 3 small meals a day and I would not snack between meals, eat until I'm satisfied and throw the waste away.

I need to eat to live not live to eat, it's perfect common sense.

Afterwards we agrees that 1/2 stone off in the next 4 weeks would be a good goal for me because I'm not like stones and stones overweight I think I've got about 19lbs to loose now - I also promised or maybe a "try my best" not to weigh myself for 2 weeks when I go back for the band tightening.

It's not a scary experience but I do believe I had my fist clinched the whole way through and Stella confirmed this.

When I came out and checked my phone Steve had sent me a text, yep after 5 years I finally got him texting "what time you home babes?" my reply "about 20 minutes but I've just had an operation sons nice hot bath would be nice".

My stomach actually felt tight and does while I write this, I'm under no illusion that this is some quick fix, because it isn't, but what I'm sure of is by the spring/summertime I won't have that disgusting look I gave myself when I went to next to try some clothes on the other week, I also know that like with slimming clubs I've always struggled because I have wanted the naughty foods and pigged out on free foods - I'm not going to have this feeling anymore, come on no food is free what your body doesn't use it turns it to fat, apart from celery Which you actually use more calories eating but then it tastes disgusting - for now I'm going for good taste over quantity!

Off to listen to my cd now so hope you have enjoyed reading and don't forget to share my blog!

Credit where credit is due.............

I didn't want to mention the name of the lady who has been helping me on my path to my new success, only because I don't think its fair to name someone on a public page unless they agree to it - so I asked yesterday and she agreed that it would be ok for me to do so:) So the lady who has been my therepist so far is Stella Hutson who is a proper licensed practitioner for the Hypno-Band, be careful people out there because like driving instructors there are fakes out there, but like me Stella has the certificates to prove it, so anyone wanting to get rid of the body fat and fit into that bikini this summer then contact Stella at www.simplychanged.me or contact her on 0754 005 8121, Stella doesnt just help fatties, but if you want to stop smoking then she can help, or maybe you need help with nerves or anything that you want to change in your life - Stella is your woman!

Changes are coming.........

Well peeps its two weeks ago on Tuesday when I first started this fantastic journey to making myself happy, yep thats it I'm doing this for MYSELF, decided to become selfish lol.

On saturday I went out with my friend for our girlie day, we do this every other week when my boys go to their dads, the Mr is at football. It normally consists of us doing some shopping, maybe a bit of pampering then we go for lunch somewhere, I didnt want today to be any different although I knew I wouldnt be coming back with the sunday lunch syndrome today which would make me feel better.

So off we went to the Harvester, I ordered a pint of water with ice, half roasted chicken, new potatoes without butter and peas. At the harvester you get free salad bowl, I was very thoughtful on what I put in my bowl, mainly, shredded carrot, cucumber, beetroot, 1 half new potatoe with mayo and tiny weeny bit of coleslaw. So we sat down and I slowly ate away at my salad and my mate looked at me and said "your stuffed" I wasnt stuffed but satisfied, then I thought of my main course and what I was going to do, so when it arrived I ate a few peas and a couple of the new potatoes, called the waiter over and said "can you box that up please im not feeling well today" you see I had 2 choices, I could have eaten it and felt the sunday lunch syndrome over fed my body with waste food that would just turn to fat, or just leave it as waste which wouldnt harm my body, I had control over it and I felt proud of myself for been in control. Afterwards my friend said "I dont think we will be going out for a meal again" "I said why?" "well your paying for something your not eating", "that doesnt matter at least its not waste on my body and I enjoy the company", so in two weeks time we will go out again for lunch and I will remain in control. Its the taste of the food I like, not the quantity!

Tomorrow is the day I have the band fitted, bring it on! Now whats for tea?

The Proof's In The Pudding....

In true Victor Meldrew style "I don't bloody believe it", well actually I do because I weighed myself 3 times before it registered, in my first week ive lost 6 1/4lb's, whats more amazing is im not even on a diet, im just choosing to fuel my body as and when I feel I need to, I count no calories, points or syns, everything in my eating is free, im in control, because I'm quite with it I'm just choosing the healthy options, but thats my choice because its me thats going to benefit from it when I go on holiday:)

I was in Debehnams at the weekend I was looking at the holiday stuff I think the make is Manderey or something like that, I saw some lovely bikini tops with matching shorts and the lot and thought to myself "I'm just going to look at doll in those on my holidays, I wont be ashamed and hiding under the towels" I know this is going to happen because I'm ME is going to make it happen, "we are what we eat" although I wouldnt want to look like the woman that does that programme lol.

Well I shouldnt have weighed myself until monday but I thought ive done it for a week and im terrible, its a bit like at christmas, Steve put my presents under the tree a week before so a week before christmas I knew what I was getting, naughty girls get to play in heaven ha ha.

Right so off I go again, by the way, the CD that I have to listen to every day is brilliant, I get to lay down for half hour in total peace while positive thoughts run through my head.

Another Session

I was up bright and early today, with a 9am lesson I was out early - it was well worth it, my pupil is finally getting this driving malarky and it makes us both happy!

So this morning I made myself a flask of soup and my thoughts were to have it after my 2nd lesson before the hypnotherpy session, however I parked up in Sainsbury's carpark opened my soup and it wasnt too hot, despite me warming the flask up first! So I had about half of it and then went into my session feeling starving? or was I? When you feel anxious, excited etc where do you feel it? Yep you got it, its in the pit of your stomach, this is because the bits of the brain that makes us feel these feelings along with hunger are placed right next to each other so maybe I wasnt hungry after all, I was feeling more excited.

We chatted for about half hour about my food diary for the week and my feelings towards food, why I felt I needed it etc..........then I laid on a comfy chair with a blanket.

I was handed earphones, the reason for this is so what the lady was saying to me went straight into my head and I could hear nothing of the outside just the trinkling of water. Well it didnt take me long to get under, I'm a proper sucker for relaxation, I soon had water dribling out of the side of my mouth lol. So after going to the park with 3 red ballons I needed to release things I dont want or need in my life, in the first ballon I realeased the fat from my body, then I released the crap food that faced me with temptation everyday and the 3rd ballon I realeased the Ex's from winding me up.

After the park I needed to stand in front of a full length mirror, stark naked this was becoming a real nightmare but there was light at the end of the tunnel when I had to imagine myself nice and slim, confident and feeling on top of the world. Then became the next bit, go inside your stomach to see how big it is, Getting it? Large rugby ball came to mind, then I had to deflate it to what I thought was an acceptable size - a tennis ball, so now my stomach is the size of a tennis ball, by gum it feels tight, if I eat anymore than what will fit into my stomach then I will be sick, I will feel horrible.

Then we had to turn the taps, imagine going into your brain, there is a control room right at the front, you turn open the handle open the door and in front of you is 4 control taps, the first one is appetite, I turned that down to about 1/4 on, then the hunger one came right off, next was the craving/crap food one, that came right off as well, the 4th one was up to me, that was my fluid tap and I turned that right up.

Before long I was counting back up to ten and wiping the dribble from my mouth.

My stomach actually feels tighter, If I over eat then I will have to face the consequence of my actions, just like my pupils do when they dont engage their brain first, do I really want anymore of the consequences of over eating? NO THANKS.

So I came home and guess what Im not hungry, so hopefully I will feel like I need to eat in a couple of hours and wont eat a fork full more than my body tells me I need.

Ive got a disc to listen to as I go to sleep and I must remember to turn those taps off!

Thanks for reading, like ive said before ive done all the diets, this time I'm In CONTROL!

The First Session

I felt a little bit aprehensive as I went through the door, but it all soon disappeared as I was greated with a warm friendly smile.

I sat on a comfy couch and we soon got down to business, the aim of today was to find out why I overeat.

You go to most slimming clubs and your told what you can and cannot eat, but this does not get to the route of your problems, so we started to explore my eating patterns. Do I eat when im unhappy? Nope most definatley not, when my son died I never ate for 2 weeks. Do I eat when im anxious or stressed? Nope. Do I eat when Im happy? most definately, food comes along to me with happiness. When I was unhappy with my marriage I wasnt overweight, I yo-yo-ed a little bit but didnt go overweight, but then my ex didnt have much tact and would soon tell me if I was getting fatter but then so did his mother! When I left and with Steve he makes me happy so I just eat because no matter what my size doesnt make no difference to him, infact he says he likes me as I am, however im not happy so this is for ME!

For those of us that have had babies we all know that when they have had enough there isnt a cat in hells chance of getting them to eat anymore so why do we do it? Take yourself back to childhood, sit at the table, money is tight and your mum puts your meal on the table, you eat until your satisfied put your knife and fork down and you get this ringing in your ears "your not leaving that table young lady until you have cleared that plate", "if you dont eat all that there will be no pudding" "your not getting anymore food today, so dont come back in hour and tell me your starving"..... so there the foundations of over eating are laid.

When im eating im normally rushing around or sat watching tv or reading facebook, well come on facebook is like my daily paper, its like my relaxing time. However by the time I realise that im actually stuffed ive eaten every scrap on my plate, just like my mum told me to.

I never really want to eat breakfast, although ive always been told that I must to get the body moving, to fuel me for the day, but when I have breakfast I still want dinner and tea, so if I feel like I dont want it why do I push it down my throat?

Monday is my first session of hypnotherpy until then I have to fill in food charts, but thats not the most important thing, the thing is I must write down my thoughts on why im eating and how it made me feel. I must make concious decisions when Im choosing food.

So here are a few of my thoughts this week.

I went to buy a flask for work, I paid more for a smaller flask so I couldnt but 2 tins of soup in it instead of one.

I hate diet coke, but if I go out I like to drink barcadi and coke (full fat), I went out last night and drank diet coke, I didnt like it, but after my 2nd drink I got more used to it.

When choosing my meals Ive opted for the more healthy range, not choosing anything over 300 calories.

Instead of having a giant yorkshire pudding with my homemade stew I had 2 small ones and put it in a cereal bowl instead of a large plate.

My aim is that I dont think about food or my next meal, my body will tell me when it needs a little something in it. After im satisfied any food I eat is waste and will turn to fat, so there really isnt any point in abusing my body, more my mind.

Hopefully one day this year when Im trying something on in the Next changing rooms I wont be disgusted with my body!

A little about myself

Im a 41 year old female, divorced, mother of 2 boys - I live with my partner and Bella my 6 year old westie and Sam our 6 year old Macaw and a few fish!

So im fat, yep fat, despite people saying "your not fat" I know im fat, my BMI is 30.7 so that makes me not fat but obese apparently, I dont feel obese but just fat, I dont like feeling fat, in fact it repulses me when I see photo's of myself.

So, how did I get fat? its simple mathematics really, I ate too much, filled my plate and ate until I had that sunday dinner feeling on far too many occasions.

So when did I start getting fat? My only thought is when I left the skiprat (my ex), he certainly kept me toned up, running around after him, feeding him, pulling me down if I put any weight on, so I finally got rid of him and now I have my new partner, he feeds me fat, but ive just eaten it because I felt happy, so if your skinny and want to get fat, get a lovely man like I have and you will soon pile on the pounds!

Ive tried all the "diets" going, oh and yes they do work, you get down to goal and then it piles all back on again, my thoughts on this is they tend to say "eat these free foods, pile your plate high, eat as much as you want", so you pile your plate, get the sunday dinner syndrome and then when you have reached goal, you still pile your plate high because you have got used to eating such big portions, but only now you pile your plate with crap, so the weight comes back on and you end up going back to the slimming club with a red face and start again, there is only one winner here and thats not us!

So over the last year ive seen lots of articles in mags and on the tv about the hypno band, Im a believer in hypnotherpy having used it to help my qualify as a driving instructor, so right now im going to sign of and go for my initial assesement and will let all you folks now later how it goes! I dont need luck - just belief in myself!

My legs will no rub together on holiday this year!